Deconstructing Confidence
Confidence applies to every area of our lives – from the boardroom to the bedroom and everywhere in between. Confidence is not some fixed, anchored quality within you; your levels of confidence are always the sum of the thoughts you think and the actions you take. It is not reflective of your actual capacity to succeed at something, but more reflective of your belief in your ability to prevail at life in general or a specific endeavor. Since you can change your thoughts and actions, confidence and self-esteem are within your power. Even the most shy people crippled by fear can attain it through self-awareness, intention, practice, and perseverance.
Having confidence provides an evolutionary edge of sorts. It helps us navigate new challenges, tasks, and social situations without pause, anxiety, or fear, thus propelling us in the direction of accomplishing our goals and realizing our dreams.
Truly confident people with high self-esteem exemplify these characteristics:
* They approach challenging situations as something to be conquered and mastered, not hazards to be feared or avoided
* They are comfortable with failures and mistakes
* They speak with authority
* They are dependable, reliable, trustworthy, and on time
* They encourage, foster, and celebrate the success of others
* They take initiative
* They are leaders
* They are decisive
* They are goal-oriented
* They focus on their strengths, not weaknesses
* They have healthy relationships
* They have self-compassion
* They are not easily offended
* They have the ability to laugh at themselves
* They choose reason over reaction
* They are constantly learning
* They are loving and compassionate towards others
* They believe in their own abilities
* They use effective communication skills
* They feel loved and valued by those around them
* They do not feel the need to prove themselves to anyone
* They have defined, and are achieving, their own definition of success
* They are happy
* They speak the truth as they see it: they tell it like it is
* They don’t care much what other people think of them
* They handle stressful situations with composure and ease
* They focus on the solution rather than dwell on the problem
* They face uncertainty with fortitude, not fear
I am a very confident person. My entire life has followed a pattern of attracting friends, strangers, work colleagues, etc. that need a helping hand with confidence, self-esteem, self-love, and speaking up. I have not merely been a cheerleader and a coach to these people, because all of them have taught me valuable lessons in return. Ultra confident people often need assistance in the following areas: Vulnerability, active listening, compromise, addiction to struggle, kindness, diplomacy, and receiving.
Whether you are debilitatingly shy and seeking to gain confidence or whether you are ultra confident like me but need to refine your confidence and self-esteem, my intention is that you will be inspired to take control of your life and step into a new, polished, perfectly confident- with a boatload of extra self-esteem. It is worth the effort to get there, because confidence applies to every area of our lives – from the boardroom to the bedroom and everywhere in between.
While there are different connotations for the terms confidence and self-esteem, the title of my new book, Confident As Fu*k, is intended to be all-encompassing. You can be confident and have low self-esteem or have high self-esteem but lack confidence. Becoming Confident As Fu*k is about having both, not one without the other. My book is not riddled with statistics and studies involving confidence, but instead – a more intimate and relatable portrait of examples from my life and others – so you can resonate with analytic illustrations of real life human interactions and ways of thinking.
Confident As Fu*k is the self-help book for people looking to level up their self-esteem and confidence and manifest their dreams to live a happier, more abundant existence. This book is also for highly confident people to learn how to navigate confidence pitfalls, become more accessible, and refine their nature. In this entertaining exposé on self-esteem and confidence, I dish out funny, inspiring stories and observations to help you:
- Identify and finally ditch bad vibes and negative people who are keeping you from being Confident As Fu*k
- Clean up your past through addressing shame and limiting stories (about yourself and others) that are holding you back
- Become inspired to speak up for yourself and take a leap into the arena of self-examination
By the end of Confident As Fu*k, you will understand yourself and the shortcomings you need to abandon in order to kick ass and take names!
